People Like Crap and I Like Other People's Crappy Mail

There are two things I love about flying: Bloody Marys and SkyMall. I dig vodka and crap catalogs. And lucky me, my new suburban address is on the mailing list of every crapola catalog in print. The previous owner's junk mail has serendipitously defaulted to Current Resident--moi.

So, let's go shopping, shall we?

Crossword Men's PJs

What's a nine-letter word for "this man is not getting laid tonight"? We've come "across" a little number that guarantees its wearer nobody will be going "down" on him.

Wolf Bedding

This bedroom says, "I LOVE WOLVES!" and "I'M FUCKING CRAZY!" The most frightening thing about this bedroom set is that someone in the world actually owns it. And what luck! It comes with matching curtains.

Ginormous Travel Pillow

A SkyMall classic, the hugeungmous, neck-wrenching travel pillow. We are missing the "Before" photo, in which this gentleman spends 45 minutes blowing up said pillow using only his breath. Here we have the "After" shot, in which he's collapsed from the effort.